Remembering Home

Friends recently sent me a spiritual reflection that began with this story:

A man was caught in an earthquake. Terrified, he tried to pray but couldn’t find any words. He’d heard and spoken countless prayers in his lifetime, but in his panic, couldn’t recall even one. So, he recited the only thing that popped into his head. He fervently prayed the alphabet. “A, b, c, d, e, f, g…”

It was the most genuine prayer of his life, and there can be no doubt God heard him.

My response was, if only I could stand up on Sunday morning and just recite the alphabet! You see, I feel somewhat lost these days, and somewhat terrified, and I’m working hard to find something to say to help us all through.

I’m grieving… that’s what my spiritual director told me on Tuesday. No one physically died, but I’m grieving none the less. I’m grieving the loss of friendships. I’m grieving the outcome of the election like I’ve never grieved the outcome of an election before. I’m grieving the loss of a perceived sense of safety and security. I think I also have anticipatory grief… you know, where you’re already mourning the loss of something that hasn’t happened yet.

Maybe some of you are feeling the same way. Maybe not.

I mentioned about a month ago that it’s hard to grieve and continue living, working, taking care of a home, taking care of other people, not to mention finding energy and motivation for the difficult times we believe are before us. The question I keep coming back to is: where do we draw our strength for the long road ahead?

Months and months ago I sketched out my messages for the year and entitled today’s message: Remembering Home so instead of reciting the ABCs I decided to just stick with it. Besides, home is where we should be able to go to draw strength for the journey ahead. It just has to be the right home.

Robert Frost said that “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” That may be true, but it isn’t necessarily a commentary on a warm, fuzzy welcome, is it? Thanksgiving is that time when families gather, people go home for the holidays, but I’ve known too many people over the years who don’t look forward to being home with their families, for various reasons. It isn’t a place they draw strength, but a place they have to endure.

Who are the people in your life who are truly “home” for you? What qualities make them home?

This list tends to be fairly short because the qualifications it takes to truly be home are many. People who are home for me first and foremost allow me to be me, my authentic self, warts and all. People who are home to me are loving and accepting, they don’t judge, but they are also very honest with me. They support me, have my back, lighten my soul, give me strength. With these folks I also share important values in common and feel a deep sense of belonging.

The scripture I chose for today was Mark 3:20-21; 31-35

Then Jesus went home, and again such a crowd gathered that he and the disciples were unable even to eat a meal. When Jesus’ relatives heard of this, they went out to take charge of him, thinking that he had lost his mind.

Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived and sent in a message asking for him. A crowd was sitting around Jesus, and they said to him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who is my family? And looking around at everyone there, Jesus said, “This is my family! Anyone who does the will of God, that person is my sister, my brother, my mother.”

It’s a little challenging because it paints Mary and Jesus’ brothers in a somewhat surprising light. It helps to remember that this is the Gospel of Mark, the first gospel written, before there was a virgin birth narrative in Matthew, and a Magnificat in Luke. Instead of a submissive mother and supportive siblings, Mary and Jesus’ brothers aren’t quite sure that Jesus hasn’t just gone completely off his rocker. They’ve come to check it out and maybe take him home.  

As Jesus is speaking to a crowd, someone comes to let him know that his mother and kin would like to see him. And Jesus says,

It seems to me that Jesus is one of the first to delineate between the family we’re born with and the family we choose! Who are my mother and brothers? Who is my family?” You are! All you who follow the will of God… I claim you as my mother, brothers and sisters. I may have to have Thanksgiving dinner with them, but those of you who are of the same heart, who fill me with hope and love… you are my family! Not that he didn’t love his mom and siblings, but at that moment he most likely knew he wasn’t going to find support and acceptance from them. In fact, his biological family were likely to try to burst his bubble that day. His chosen family - those who heard, understood, and believed him - were the ones he felt truly at home with.

If you’re lucky, your family and chosen family are one and the same. If not, it doesn’t mean we “divorce” the families we’re born with, but perhaps we shouldn’t expect (or hope for) things from them that they cannot or will not give.

Especially during this time of unrest, uncertainty, grief, sorrow, pain, we all need to make sure we surround ourselves with people from whom we can draw strength. People who are our home and chosen family.

There is another home we need to remember, the interior home of our Selves. This is the spiritual home we find underneath our egos, our arrogance, our confusion and doubts. It is underneath our fears, our shame, our guilt, our need for control. It is deeper even than our grief. We find it at the center of our being where we remember that we are enough, we are beautiful, we are loved and Beloved. It is the place where we remember that we are never truly alone and that there is something much more to this world than meets the eye. This home is always with us no matter where we are, who we are with (or not with), or what situation we find ourselves in.

Staying in touch with our inner spiritual home is one of the key elements in resilience. It can be hard to find when we’re hurting, or grieving or angry. But it is so critically important to care for ourselves by maintaining this connection through prayer, meditation, contemplation, attending worship, and sharing acts of love and compassion. Turn off the news, walk in the woods, listen to music, read a good book, snuggle with your pet or partner, laugh with friends, reconnect with the life force within you. This home, too, will strengthen us for the journey.

And when all that doesn’t work… we can still recite the ABCs… fervently and prayerfully, trusting that we are heard.

Love & Light!

Kaye