Passage of Waiting

Well, I hit my after-Easter-let-down this week. I got carried a week longer by the Music Service and our speakers last week, then I hit the proverbial wall. Many pastors I’ve known (and myself many years) take the Sunday after Easter off because they have pushed and pushed through Lent with classes and music and special services. The excitement builds up, the anticipation and expectation… and then it’s over.

You know what they say – stopping is bad. In the stopping you realize how depleted and exhausted you really are.

All of this got me thinking about the disciples – how did they feel after Jesus died? What they did with Jesus was a lot. Whether it was one year or three (the gospels disagree) they traveled from village to village and we hear that they really didn’t take a whole lot of time to rest, or if they tried the crowds found them anyway. Think about it: logistics, crowd control, threats of arrest and staying safe, what to eat, where to sleep. Not to mention they were learning, questioning, trying to understand what Jesus was about. Learning about each other and building trust. And many must have been worried about families left behind.

But it was all going to be worth it because, in their heads, Jesus was the Messiah, the awaited One who would bring peace, liberty and prosperity to the Jews. There was a great buildup of excitement. And at the same time tensions grew with those in power. The disciples wanted Jesus to back off, some voiced their fears about going into Jerusalem because they knew that he (and probably they themselves) were targets. They went anyway and staged a great protest parade. What a high! And then within a week Jesus was executed. I imagine the disciples probably went into hiding for fear of also being arrested and executed. But it was over.

The 50 days between Easter and the Jewish Festival of Pentecost includes a number of spiritual encounters with Jesus after his death. Perhaps those experiences brought a bit of hope and energy to the disappointed, confused, grieving disciples. But frankly, if I put myself in their shoes, I’d still be still exhausted from it all. And darn it, I’d want Jesus back all the time. Personally, I’d be thinking, Now what? Who’s going to lead us? I’m not ready to take on the mantle of leadership and, frankly, I don’t want to. I’m still exhausted, emotionally bruised and battered, and not really sure I’ve got what it takes to go forward with his mission. He was special. None of us can fill his shoes.

Which brings us to the scripture reading for today from very beginning of the Book of Acts, a book that was designed to tell us what happened after Jesus’ death. And what is the first message from Jesus in the very first chapter? Wait.

Wait… for what God has promised, of which you have heard me speak… John baptized with water, but within a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit… you will receive power… then you will be my witnesses.

In other words, take some time. Just be, breathe, mourn, heal, get your feet back under you. Maybe do some fishing. You don’t have to push forward now and nor should you while you’re depleted – body, mind, and spirit. Wait… the time will eventually be right for you to receive the energy of the Holy Spirit which will strengthen and embolden you to go on. But it’s ok to stop for a bit, this time is necessary for your own transformation.

We’ve all been there. We’ve pushed through something – good or bad – and come out the other side completely depleted with nothing left. Most of us probably didn’t have the luxury to wait for a while to regroup, regenerate, and find the path forward. And that is a shame because I think waiting brings the possibility of many gifts: time to grieve and remember, to regain faith, to heal, to gain confidence and release anxiety, to rediscover one’s own personal strength and power, to dream and discern what comes next.

Did you know that the Chinese bamboo tree's growth process is a fascinating phenomenon? After planting the seed, nothing seems to happen for five years. Despite nurturing the soil with water, sunlight, and fertilizer, there are no visible signs of growth. During this period, the bamboo's roots are developing deep within the earth, establishing a robust foundation to support the plant's future growth.

Then, almost miraculously, in the fifth year, the bamboo tree begins to grow rapidly, reaching astonishing heights of up to 90 feet within just six weeks. This exponential growth is a testament to the tree's patient and persistent preparation during the seemingly dormant years.

The bamboo tree's story serves as a powerful metaphor for the virtue of waiting in our lives. Waiting, taking time to stop, goes against the grain. Keep busy, move forward, push through is what our culture tells us. We’re afraid that if we (and others) can’t see “progress” that we’re failing. But times of waiting are not necessarily fruitless, they are often crucial phases of growth and preparation.

Robin Smerchek has mentioned to me a couple of times that after her retirement she was encouraged not to jump right into anything, but to take at least a month off to do nothing. I’m sure it was time to reflect on a long career, to celebrate and grieve the change, and to consider – with the space and time to do it – what she really wanted to do next… where was the energy of the Spirit calling her.

In Sue Monk Kidd’s book, When the Heart Waits, she talks about waiting in a little different way, as taking the “long way round.” Instead of being in a huge hurry to get somewhere and taking the shortest route, instead taking the long way to see what you can see and learn what you can learn. I’ll admit that this mindset really isn’t on my radar screen at this stage in my life.

She shares a story about when she was a child playing at her grandmother’s house and she and her brothers discovered an old wheelbarrow in the yard filled with water and hundreds of tiny tadpoles. They raced inside and asked for jars to put them in, but as her grandmother was handing out jars she looked at Sue and said, “Girls don’t catch tadpoles, come inside and I’ll teach you to play “Chopsticks” on the piano.”

The next day, Sue and a woman named Sweet who worked for them started out on a walk to the city park about four blocks away when Sweet looked at her and said they were going to take the “long way round” that day. Sue raised a little bit of a fuss, but off they went, walking eight blocks instead of four. At about block six, Sweet steered Sue over to a ditch filled with water and tadpoles. Sweet pulled a mason jar out of her pocket and handed it to Sue saying, “Now, aren’t you glad we took the long way round? Ain’t no tadpoles the short way.”

Sue Monk Kidd sums it up this way, “Transformations come only as we go the long way round, only as we’re willing to walk a different, longer, more arduous, more inward, more prayerful route. When you wait, you’re deliberately choosing to take the long way, to go eight blocks instead of four, trusting that there’s a transforming discovery lying pooled along the way.”

It's ok to stop and wait when you’re depleted… maybe you only need a few hours of peace and quiet… maybe you need a few months (which you may or may not be able to take). But know yourself, your heart and your soul, and be gentle with yourself when you’re worn out. Give yourself time to wait for the energy of the spirit to visit you again.

Love & Light!

Kaye