Kindness Heals

In September of 2024, I shared this paragraph from Margaret Wheatley’s 2024 book, Restoring Sanity.

“Frivolity, aestheticism, hedonism, cynicism, pessimism, narcissism, consumerism, materialism, nihilism, fatalism, fanaticism and other negative behaviors and attitudes suffuse the population. Politics is increasingly corrupt, life increasingly unjust. A cabal of insiders accrues wealth and power at the expense of the citizenry, fostering a fatal opposition of interests between haves and have nots. The majority lives for bread and circuses; worships celebrities instead of divinities… throws off social and moral restraints, especially on sexuality; shirks duties but insists on entitlements.”

This sounds like it is talking about life today, but it is actually a quote from a 2012 book by William Ophul entitled Immoderate Greatness: Why Civilizations Fail. This particular paragraph describes the LAST stage of EVERY civilization. No matter the culture, geographic location, religion, or who’s in power, all civilizations decline in identical ways, in a very predictable pattern of collapse.

Whether we want to admit it or not, the last 10 months have speeded up the collapse of all we used to know – like the days when we used to play a record album on 45 speed. At this point in the game, we don’t have the power to make big changes or to stop the decline. So, Wheatley steers us toward a way to still be a positive force in the world - becoming an Island of Sanity. Whether that is a church, a business, or a small group, we need safe places where we are not seeking to hide, but have our souls renewed so that we can return to the world being the best we can be. She says we desperately need places that encourage and nurture the best of our human characteristics – to be kind, creative and generous. Why these three? Because, Wheatley says, “these three are essential to develop trustworthy relationships free of judgments and biases, and to use everyone’s talents and perspectives in solving problems they care about.”

Let’s start by talking about kindness. It seems like a no-brainer, but when life gets stressful, kindness isn’t always our default reaction.

Carrie Newcomer states that kindness is "a small practice and so humble, it's easy to forget how profoundly powerful it is. Kindness lightens and softens our days. It reframes the world and expresses love on a human scale." And then she reminds us that even if we can’t change the world, we can change, as George Ellison wrote, what is within three feet of us. Frankly, that means we start with ourselves. The critical question we need to ask ourselves is: who do we choose to be in this time?

The author of Ephesians gives us a line we to consider as we ponder that question:

“Get rid of all bitterness, all rage and anger, all harsh words, slander and malice of every kind. In place of these, be kind to one another, compassionate and mutually forgiving.” (Ephesians 4:31-32a)

I find it interesting that the first thing the author encourages after we get rid of all those negative things is to be kind. But oh, how hard this can be! Isn’t it our anger that is our impetus to get up and do something? Julie’s sign for the No Kings II rally said: “All my outrage can’t fit on one sign.” And I completely understand.

But if we can only truly change what is three feet around us by our words and actions, where will rage, bitterness, cynicism and sarcasm get us? It may offer a release, but will it accomplish anything positive?

Let’s break it down.

The unique thing about kindness is that it has no strings, no expectations, it isn’t about anyone deserving anything. It is simply about respectfully and graciously considering another person. But, it is hard to be kind when we are angry, hurt, overwhelmed, distracted, scared, or insist on judging the worthiness of others.

I believe one of the most important things about kindness is that it is healing in some small way. Kindness connects us so that we feel seen, less alone, less empty. Kindness restores our faith in humanity for a moment. It has the power to de-escalate some situations and brings a positive spirit, a light, to difficult moments. Kindness silently encourages us to be kind as well. And it lifts us up, brings us joy and hope… even if only for a moment.

Kindness is healing for both the giver and receiver. Just last week I was walking into the grocery store and offered to take someone’s cart from them. He got a surprised look on his face – he wasn’t expecting the kindness. And I felt this silly little bubble of joy inside for doing something kind. A simple, brief connection was made inside my three feet of influence, a moment of positivity shared, and who knows what shift in attitude was carried with us and who else it might have affected.

Jerry Belland shared a story with me this week about being in the National Gallery of Art in Washington DC with his family a number of years ago. It just so happened that Robert Hughes, once described as “the most famous art critic in the world” was there filming that day. Jerry was a bit bowled over, seeing Hughes was a big deal for him. Well, having his fearless daughter, Emily, with them, he encouraged her to go over and talk to Hughes when he was in between shots. Emily wasn’t gone long when she came back and said to her dad, come on over, he wants to meet you. Well Jerry went over, shook his hand and told him that he’d watched his shows and appreciated his work. Then Robert Hughes looked at him sincerely and said, “So, tell me about you, what do you do?” That was kindness. Taking a genuine interest in someone else… especially when he was working

Perhaps most importantly, kindness helps us feel like we belong, thus healing a tiny part of our loneliness and sense of isolation. Wheatley tells a story about a native community in the Northwest of Canada that became well-known for putting an end to teen suicides after an epidemic of them. The solution became visible with this incident: “A young man was standing on a bridge about to throw himself into the river (ironically named the River of Life). While he stood there, perhaps hesitating, a car drove by and someone waved to him. That simple gesture stopped him. The community learned from his experience and thereafter focused efforts on how to create a culture of welcome and belonging. Teen suicides ceased.”

I know that all of you who are reading this are kind on a regular basis. I ask simply for you to bring this to your awareness again. Perhaps becoming more conscious of our acts of kindness will compel us to be even more kind more often. The world certainly needs every ounce of kindness it can get.

Love & Light!

Kaye