The Courage to Live Well

Monday, I gathered with my Creative Worship group who helps brainstorm my sermon topics with me. I put a piece of paper in the middle of the table with Sunday’s date and sermon title on it (like I do with every topic, for us to write notes on) and a woman who has been with the group for about 20 years pointed her finger on it and said, “That… that is what the motto should be for Christianity!”

And then she went off in a rant for a good ten minutes about how so many Christians she knew seemed to be stuck on suffering and sacrifice. Why did they want to glorify martyrdom? Why can’t we celebrate life? Celebrate success? Celebrate fun?

Now, I know that much of that was about her mother who seems to be a very negative, critical, complaining type of person. But beyond that I wondered who exactly she was hanging around! As she was going on and on, the other four of us were glancing at each other like, well, she’s not talking about us.

Still, too much of Christianity has focused on the suffering and sacrifice of Jesus (hence the crucifix hanging everywhere in Catholic churches… wouldn’t want anyone to forget). Too many priests and pastors have told people that their suffering was sacred and holy because now they could be in solidarity with Jesus who suffered and died for them.

Frankly, this is some of the most abusive theology I’ve ever heard. In the book, Proverbs of Ashes, the authors tell a story about a woman who was being physically abused by her husband and she went to her priest for advice. He told her that she “should rejoice in her sufferings because they bring [her] closer to Jesus. He said, ‘Jesus suffered because he loved us.’ He said, ‘If you love Jesus accept the beatings and bear them gladly, as Jesus bore the cross.’” It took her 20 years to question that reasoning, and then only because her husband was turning on the kids.

This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the church sanctioning suffering and sacrificing to be good. Right up there with it we have the years when the church didn’t allow drinking, cards, dancing, and movies because they were immoral. And then there was the concept that the beautiful, glorious act of making love was somehow dirty and sinful. It seems that anything having to do with fun and enjoying life was considered wrong. And this is not new news. Even Jesus was chastised for being a glutton and a drunkard. Who says he wasn’t just enjoying life with his friends?

Anyway, I did remind her that I have never once, in 26 years of preaching, said anything remotely like that! In fact, I don’t believe Jesus would tolerated anyone being told that their suffering was a good thing, much less that it was in some warped way good for him. His hope was to relieve suffering, to liberate people from oppression and old mindsets, and to bring life abundantly, to bring life to its fullest (John 10:10).

What does it mean to live well? I believe it means that we live true to oneself, that we have integrity and compassion, that we stand for justice, that we love and accept love, that we celebrate the big and small moments in life. To live to the full for Jesus would also include a deep connection to the spiritual side of ourselves, a connection to Something More (however you’d like to name it – Higher Power, Essence, God/Goddess, Light, Love Energy, Values).

It seems like these would all be easy things, but sometimes it takes a great deal of courage to live well. Mark Nepo almost died from cancer in his 30s and he wrote an insightful little poem about how death pushed him to the edge of life where he was finally able to “dance” without worrying what anyone else thought, to dance with abandon and freedom because, in the face of death, what does one have to lose? Gratefully death “backed off” and all that was left, he said, was “to keep dancing. It is the way I would have chosen had I been born three time as brave.”

Why does it take such courage to engage the full dancing of life? Perhaps because there are so many things we are afraid of. We’re afraid of what other people will think of us and so need courage to not listen to the voices that want to shame, judge or guilt us. We fear losing stability and security, and we don’t like change, so we need courage to risk trying new things or taking a new direction. We need courage to risk rejection, to claim time for ourselves, to be hopeful and positive. We need courage to stand up for ourselves, to share our feelings, to be true to ourselves, our health, our family, our sanity, our spirituality.

According to an article in the Guardian, the top five regrets of the dying are as follows:

5) I wish I had let myself be happier.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

3) I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

2) I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

1) I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Before we get to that point, it would serve us to consider these things and to have the courage to change what needs to be changed so that we can live more fully, more abundantly.

I’m giving you homework… commit to one thing you will do this week to live life to the fullest. Enjoy a sunset, book plane tickets to somewhere you’ve wanted to go, take time to meditate or walk in the woods and commune with the divine, renew a friendship, let the dust be and spend quality time with your partner, your kids, your grandkids, your dog.  You’re all smart, figure it out!

Love & Light!

Kaye