Keeping Our Center ~ Day 56

Happy Mother’s Day!

I know all too well that Mother’s Day is difficult for many people, for a variety of reasons. Plus motherhood takes many different shapes and forms, no one better than another. When I’ve preached on Mother’s Day I’ve always tried to keep my message as “safe” as possible because of all this. Today, I’d simply like to do something completely different and share an open letter to my children that I hope resonates with your heart as well. Thank you for indulging me. ~ Kaye

To My Children on Mother’s Day…

I carried you for nine months, gave you life from my life, and when you were born, a piece of my heart was broken off and embedded in your heart. Not until you have children of your own will you truly understand the depth of the love I have for you. That, in and of itself, makes being a mother the best of all possible things, and terrifying, all at the same time.

The older I get, the more in awe I am of each of you, and the more grateful I am that you were gifted to me. You have taught me so much! From you I’ve learned not to flinch when killing spiders in your bedroom, to hold onto a sense of wonder and joy, and how to be strong even when I didn’t feel strong. From watching you at different ages, I’ve learned to forgive my childhood self for some of the things I did, or didn’t do, when I was young.

I’m not sure there is a mother out there without some “mother guilt” over things we’re sure will eventually wind our children up in therapy. I’ve spent many restless nights worried that I wasn’t good enough. I hope you’ll forgive me for the times I wasn’t there when you needed me, for the many times I worked late and wasn’t home to tuck you in. Forgive me for the times I didn’t listen, or didn’t stop what I was doing to play with you, or brushed off something that was important to you. Forgive me for when I was too protective, or not protective enough. Forgive me for the divorce, for uprooting your lives, for being a pastor… I had hoped to instill a sense of the sacred and spiritual within you, but since you were pastor’s kids and put under a microscope, this may have backfired. Forgive me for anything I’ve said, or done, that made you feel “less than.” I tried to do my best, but my best wasn’t always so good.

Today and every day I want you to remember that I am always here for you. There is nothing (well almost nothing – let’s be reasonable) that I wouldn’t do for you. Inside and out, you are beautiful, unique and a special gift to this world. My forever prayer is that you will be happy and healthy, that you will find work that fulfills you, and people you love and trust to walk with you. I pray that you will have the strength to weather every storm, and the courage to keep going when it is difficult. I hope that you will tend to your woundedness (we all have some) and find healing, that you will live with compassion and a positive, grateful attitude, and that you will truly know and experience the Love that is in and through all things.

I will love you, no matter what, as long as I live and beyond.

mom