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Keeping Our Center ~ Day 124

Hugs. I think it’s hugs I miss the most.

I know I am luckier than many people as I can still hug Julie and my kids. Okay, I confess, I hugged my dad, too… just once… but I was masked, turned my head and held my breath. It didn’t seem the same.

When I was a pastor in the United Methodist Church, we were basically taught not to hug. I suppose they thought one must maintain an appropriate social distance from one’s parishioners. I didn’t like that rule, though I usually asked permission if I was unsure if it was ok.

I’ll never forget the one Sunday morning that I was greeting people after worship and one of the elderly women in the congregation gave me a hug and said, “You’re the only hug I get all week.” I don’t know why she and her husband weren’t hugging anymore, but I felt sort of sad that I was it. She’s part of the reason I wouldn’t give it up.

Almost every Sunday morning I told someone that you should have at least ten hugs a day. Apparently, I was slightly wrong. According to family psychotherapist Virginia Satir, “We need 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs to be maintain ourselves and 12 hugs to grow.”

Scientifically it has been proven that hugging lowers one’s heart rate and blood pressure, slows down breathing, relieves tension and agitation, and helps us develop a state of calm and well-being. Hugging increases the level of oxytocin which allows us to connect better with others. And hugging significantly reduces the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, in the blood.

In addition, researchers say that hugging helps us to have a better self-body-image. They have even gone so far as to say that “a lack of hugging or caressing could be a trigger – or an aggravation – for body image disorders like anorexia and bulimia.”

Psychologist Jennifer Delago relates, “[H]ugs even had a protective effect. When people received a hug, they had less conflict the next day and the bad mood for everyday problems was minor.” 

Given all of this, it’s really crappy that hugging is sort of taboo because of the darn virus. Someday will we have a new statistic of people who suffered or died from lack of hugging?

This sounds weird I know, but we can all self-hug. Yes, it’s a thing. I tried it and it’s kind of nice. Just cross your arms over your chest or stomach and give yourself the kind of hug you need – strong and bracing, or gentle and soothing. You can even add a little rocking to it if you feel like it. Too weird for you? Try stroking your arms in a sort of self-massage. That feels nice, too!

But if you are with people you can hug, then DO IT!! Often! If you have to, tell them your pastor said so.

Love & Light!

Kaye