The Art of Re-membering

Mark 14:1-9 is the story of the woman with the alabaster who pours expensive perfume over Jesus' head. There are many important messages to hear from this passage; however, the very last line is the one that is important for today, “The truth is, wherever the Good News is proclaimed throughout the world, what she has done will be told in her memory.”

What greater honor could Jesus have had conferred upon her than that she would be remembered? Truly, it is what we all hope for, isn’t it? Simply to be remembered well.

For the children's time, I used the image of a puzzle to describe the importance of remembering people we've lost. You see, our lives are like puzzles that we continue to add pieces to. Each experience, each person, each new idea becomes a piece in the puzzle of our life. When we lose someone dear to us, it can feel like we've lost some of the pieces to our puzzle, like there is a hole in our lives. In the process of remembering, that piece pops back into place and we experience more wholeness.

In a sermon resource that I use, Soul Matters, it says, “[H]ere’s what we do know: it is in the space of memory that we are somehow held together, and also re-assembled. As we remember, we are re-membered. In that space, memories become self-animated threads that weave the pieces and parts of us into these more complete things we call “me” and “you.” 

We’ve probably all known at least one person to suffer from Alzheimer’s, a disease that slowly destroys the brain cells and their connections leading to the loss of memory and other functions. There are three million cases in the U.S. every year. Of all the horrible diseases we can contract, Alzheimer's feels like one of the worst because it robs a person of their wholeness. And, in some ways, also robs those closest to them as well, by knowing that so much of their lives together and their relationships have been erased for their loved one.

We cherish our memories. I imagine if any one of us were to look around our homes we’d see that we’ve surrounded ourselves with memories. The art we buy reminds us of a place we visited, or a particular time in our lives. Some items remind us of the people who gifted them to us. Some remind us of different experiences. My office holds memories from old mission trips, from my trip to Greece, a painting of my dad’s, a drawing my daughter did when she was younger, mementoes from people I’ve loved and lost, a transformer yellow Jeep like the one I used to have, and so much more. They are reminders of good times and wonderful people. They are the puzzle pieces of memory that make up my life.

Rituals, like lighting candles in worship on The Day of Remembrance, are important to remember and honor those who have been meaningful parts of our lives. There are many small rituals that help us remember our loved ones like visiting a gravesite, or a place where one's ashes have been scattered, looking through old photo albums, making their favorite food, carrying on holiday traditions, doing things you used to do with them, remembering their birthday or death day.  These rituals help us remember and re-member ourselves in the process.

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when someone we know has lost a spouse, partner, child or other person close to them, even an pet. We want to comfort them and yet we’re afraid that if we bring up the person they’ve lost that it will simply cause them more pain. But to remember is one of the greatest gifts we can give someone. To help them know that the person wasn’t forgotten, to give them a chance to remember a part of themselves instead of feeling like it is taboo to bring it up. Speak the name of the loved one, share a memory, ask for a story. These are gifts.

I don’t want to give this next piece a lot of airtime, but I want to acknowledge that sometimes our memories of people are not wonderful. The question then becomes what exactly will we remember? As I get older, I’m learning to choose not to dwell on being the victim in certain relationships, not to dwell on the pain of what I didn’t have, or what wrong I felt was done to me, or how I screwed up, but to extract what I learned and how I grew from the situation. And If I can’t find that, then I better work on it some more!

For today, may we speak the names of those we’ve loved and lost, may we honor their memories and their place in our own wholeness, may we hold them in the light and in our hearts. For, as Thomas Campbell once said, “To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die.”

Love & Light!

Kaye